All of you are probably familiar with the hit workout program P90X. Well they’ve come out with a new program called P90X+ for those who are ready to go beyond the original program for a greater challenge. Living simply is a stretch for some people but if living simply isn’t radical enough, I have some more challenges for the “élite”.
Remember, everything on this site is to help you live more fulfilling lives that are extraordinary, breaking the status quo. Do I have life figured out? No, but do what you read, and it is guaranteed to work.
I hear it all the time from friends that they struggle with making friends, finding people to do things with. Plain and simple, they’re lonely. These are cool people, they’re not socially inept, but socializing just isn’t working for them. It’s almost as if they expect relationships to just happen. Here’s the truth, 9 out of 10 times it’s up to you to make relationships happen.
The majority of our relationships are formed through common activities such as church, school and sports teams. The problem with those relationships is they’re usually formed around one particular interest, and those people you meet in those venues don’t usually have much more in common than that one interest.
So, get out there and start meeting people outside your normal venues. Wherever you go (ie gas stations, coffee houses, restaurants, etc) seek to engage people on a deeper level than the typical transaction.
People are wired to be self-centered (if you don’t believe me, than you’ve obviously never spent much time around a 2yr old). To make friends you need to view others as more important than yourself and look at others interests as more important than your own. I know you want a friend but you first need to be a friend before you can have a friend. When I meet someone and engage with them, I treat them like we’ve been best friends. It’s not the cultural norm how fast and aggressively I pursue relationships, but it works.
Take risks with strangers
When I meet someone that I think has potential, I make sure to get a number, send them a quick text so I’m in their phone, and within a couple days try to set up a lunch date or activity. I love being generous, so I always pay at our first meet up. It may or may not go anywhere from there, but that’s ok. Some friendships last a week and others for years. It’s important to take life one day at a time and squeeze the most out of it. Don’t try to live a fulfilling life for 10yr, strive just for today.
Remember, treat strangers like they’re your best friend. To me that seems like how Jesus would’ve treated people. So share what you have freely with everyone, it’s not yours anyway. God gave it to you and he can take it away just as fast.
Don’t be afraid to invite strangers over to your house. Listen, if you really want to be used by God and you say that you’re willing to be sent anywhere, then this shouldn’t be an issue. How do you expect to be willing to be sent to the Middle East with your family to preach the Gospel if you’re afraid of having strangers around your home and family here in the US?
Meeting strangers is a good practice, but sometimes having familiarity is good also. After all, one way to meet strangers is for friends to introduce you to their friends. So, become a regular. Even if it’s 2mi out of the way, go to the same gas station. Even if you don’t feel like coffee one week, hit up a local coffee shop regularly.
Be consistent with initiating activities. Don’t invite someone you just met out to lunch once and then expect them to initiate the next activity. With social media on the rise, it’s an undisputed fact that people are getting worse at knowing how to socialize. Sometimes we need to give people a little help.
Here’s the formula for making a best friend. Treat the person like they are your best friend, interact regularly and serve them.
Don’t be picky
I’m the worst at this. I want friends but I’m super picky about who I want to be friends with. You have to have the right looks, be on my “level”, be well connected, etc. I know, sounds pretty superficial, right? I’m just being honest and working on it.
I’ve learned a lot of lessons from my brother, Jonathan. He is the man. People flock around my brother, and it’s almost like he doesn’t even try. Here’s my theory about him. He shows no partiality to people. He’s kind to everyone (which I am too) but he goes beyond that and includes/hangs out with the “unpopular” kids even though my bro ranks high on the cool kids meter. That says a lot about his character and I think other people notice and it makes him a very attractive person.
This is an off the cuff blog post. It’s not meant to rank high on Google, but I hope it at least gives you some things to chew on. Set goals. Meet 1 new person a week, figure out where you’re going to hang, etc. Now get out there and make some friends.